There’s no peace.
I think about being killed. I think that’s reasonable for me to do. My daily commute takes me through 16th and Mission, an intersection known for transmisogynist violence. All I see in the news are reports of murder of trans women of color. It is fucking overwhelming.
It does not give me peace to dwell on the fact that if I were killed, I’d most likely get the Matthew Shepard treatment. I’m white, after all. People very likely would pay attention. Maybe the cops would pretend to give a shit. Maybe my murderer (or someone the cops said was my murderer) would be found. Maybe there’d be talk among politicians about writing new laws.
I am so fucking disgusted.
Right now I’m functioning on anger because I can’t go to sleep and get up and get on the bus and go to work and pay rent and eat if I am sobbing so hard I cannot breathe.